26 In motherhood

How many kids do you want?

baby-rhino-nursery-art-decor-bedding-www.theanimalprintshop.com-021

Ever since having Jack, I’ve been amazed at how quickly people started asking if we wanted more. Like…I just had a baby! Another? Too. Much. To. Handle. But then somewhere over the past 13 months, through several conversations with Brian, our opinion started to shift bit by bit to the point where we feel pretty confident that we’ll have a second at some point in the next several years. (Though I’m definitely not ready to be pregnant again any time soon!) 

That’s wild for me to even admit here in writing, as I didn’t even think I wanted any children in the first place! But now that I’m in it…like, I’m an actual, real mother of a sweet, chunky, lovable, silly little boy, I totally get how people get stoked about multiple kids. And I do love the idea of Jack having a sibling as he grows up—even if it’s just to agree with him when he thinks his parents are crazy ;)

So now I’m really curious—whether you have kids already or are just dreaming of the future, how many kids do you want? And how far apart in age?

Image via The Animal Print Shop

26 Comments

  • Reply
    Mel
    October 26, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Love this post because I relate so much. I didn’t want any kids either, and we just had our second! We waited 6 years in between the two.. I guess some people need more time in between to enjoy the first one :) I don’t know why people feel the need to always ask when you are having more!

  • Reply
    Heather || Heather's Dish
    October 26, 2015 at 9:25 am

    Before we got married my husband and I always talked about only wanting 2 kids – we were super adamant about it! Then we had our first little guy and in my postpartum love-drunkenness I told him I wanted 6 (!!!). THEN we had our second and I realized how hard pregnancy was after already having a little guy, so I’m thinking that we’re going to do everything we can to not get pregnant again…although adoption isn’t out of the picture at all :)

  • Reply
    Caitlin
    October 26, 2015 at 9:29 am

    I always knew that I wanted to have more than one, but never was able to actually plan it out…
    All three were surprises! My first, Jack Patrick was the biggest surprise but as I learned, was all part of God’s plan. I had him two years before my beloved Dad passed away and they, from the moment he was born, were the best of friends. Even though he died when Jack was only two, he still has vivid, precious memories of their time together.

    Trissa Joy came along 3.5 years after Jack–I found out I was pregnant two weeks before my father passed, so I feel she was my anchor to help get me through the most difficult time in my life. She is the spitting image of my Dad! Her spunky personality keeps her brothers in line and smiles on all of our faces!

    Then James…4 years after Trissa we found out that we had another on the way! He was our miracle baby as both he and I were very sick throughout the entire pregnancy (completely different then my first two easy, breezy pregnancies and deliveries) He was born via an emergency c-section and is the happiest, calmest little dude i have ever seen considering everything he went through.

    Although our house is most always crazy and chaotic these days–I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

  • Reply
    Jennifer H
    October 26, 2015 at 10:08 am

    This book by Christopher West totally changed my heart about birth control and child planning: (http://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Beginners-Introduction-Revolution/dp/1934217859/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=)

    I remember coming up to the chapter that I knew was going to talk about these topics and I told my then-fiance that nothing could ever make me change my opinion on birth control… and then my heart completely felt convicted. We now follow natural family planning and are letting God decide when we have kids. Not saying that everyone should feel the same way I do! I think it’s a personal conviction. Just funny how these things can change and develop as time goes on :)

  • Reply
    Jessaca
    October 26, 2015 at 10:58 am

    We have two and are done! They’re almost 4 years apart (currently almost 5 and 11 months). I am the youngest of 8, so I know what a big family is about. The biggest thing each time has been focusing on our marriage. It sort of falls apart when we have a baby because we’re so exhausted. Two is perfect for us. I’m looking forward to reconnecting with my husband and not just surviving!

  • Reply
    Victoria B
    October 26, 2015 at 11:23 am

    I too wasn’t sure I wanted any kids when I was younger. Now that I am married, I know that I do! I want at least 2 so they can each have a sibling and I would love to have 2 of the same, so 3 kids is in my mind as well. I don’t have any yet though, so we shall see about having a third after the first is born haha! :)

  • Reply
    Madison @ Espresso and Cream
    October 26, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Oh girl, I’m already getting those questions. And Ainsley is 8 months old! And the crazy part is, I feel like every day I seee another person with a baby announcing they are having another baby. Maybe it’s just small town living or something, but I can’t imagine having another baby any time soon, yet I do want to have more than one, and maybe even 3. It’s hard because I don’t want to be pregnant again anytime soon, like you said, but I don’t want to be having babies when I’m in my mid-30’s either. So many things to think about!

  • Reply
    Sophie
    October 26, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    I loved being pregnant and loved the birthing experience I had… so I’m even MORE excited to have another kid now haha But our baby is only 6 months old and we plan on waiting another year or two. It’s nice to have time with just the one!

  • Reply
    dylcia
    October 26, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    I’ve always wanted to have 3 kids but I think financially, we will only be able to have 2. We live in Boston and daycare is so expensive that having 3 kids in it at the same time is unaffordable. We also want to wait a couple of years to get pregnant again (our son is 5 months) so that he can be a little bit more independent when the other one comes. So I guess it’s also a race against time. I’m already 33 and don’t really want to be having kids in my late thirties so 2 kids it is.

  • Reply
    alana taylor
    October 26, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    Growing up, I had always wanted two kids. One boy and one girl. Come to find out, my hubby desired the very same thing. Eight months after getting married, we were expecting our first kiddo: a boy. The first year of motherhood was REALLY hard and I told my husband SEVERAL times that I was done. No more! Thankfully, when my son was around 2-ish, I was ready. We had found a good rhythm, which gave me the confidence to give the whole pregnancy/childbirth/newborn/infant phases another go. But, things didn’t go as planned. My son turned three… no baby. Then, four… no baby. I was beginning to lose hope. We started talking adoption and at this point, I was wanting to adopt even if we were finally able to have another biological kiddo at some point. One month before my son’s fifth birthday, those two glorious pink lines popped up on the pregnancy test. Five months later, we found out that little bun in the oven was a girl! Our dream came true; only now, God’s given us a bigger picture for our family. We still want to adopt because we feel that is what God wants us to do. Basically, this is a super long story as to how I can’t answer the question of how many kids we want. We’re kind of just taking it one kid at a time. Although, my hubby and I agree that three or four would be a good number. But only God knows…

    <3, ALANA TAYLOR
    // alanataylorwrites.com //

  • Reply
    Chantalle
    October 26, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    You get a lot less comments once there are 2 :) We got ‘one boy and one girl! Perfect! You’re done!)
    Our first two are 2 years apart- and we all LOVE it! Our daughter has caught up a lot to our oldest, so they have had several years of fun together (now 8 and 6). Jared is 3 years younger than her, Which was perfect for us for the time. Now it’s been 3 years and waiting 1.5 for another one to come, but nothing yet. My husband and his oldest sibling (5 kids in the fam) are 14 years apart, which didn’t matter once they were all adults. Do whatever works for you! I never wanted a spoiled youngest, so I still would like the last 2 to be no more than 2 years apart…but ideal and reality are not the same ;) Each kid has been easier- every one of them is extremely calm and well-behaved, but I mean easier for us to manage family life! Two was an easy and fun addition, three has been even better!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth
    October 26, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    We are currently pregnant with our first (only 27 weeks along!) and people are already asking how many we want and when the next one will be coming along. I’m sensitive to that question because it took my husband and I awhile to conceive. You just never know who’s trying and what hardships their facing! With that said, Lord willing, we hope to have our kids close together but it’s all up to Him! My brother and I are less than two years apart and we are incredibly close. It was fun growing up with the same friends and always having someone close by!

  • Reply
    Mary Beth
    October 26, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    Ahhhh…this is such a good topic to talk about and it’s funny how everyone has such varied perspectives. Being the second oldest of 14 children I have been asked about my birth control methods and how many we plan on having from the moment I got engaged. I, personally, think it’s rude for people who don’t know you very well to ask such a personal question!

    I wish I could say we have prayed over every pregnancy, but we are learning as we go to do that and that it has so little to do with us, and so much more to do with Him. I know that God has changed me with every baby and my miscarriage and I always want to be open to the gentle prodding of the Holy Spirit. I love what Elizabeth said above about how you never know what is going on behind-the-scenes in people’s decision-making process. I wish people would extend more grace and more love and less judgement. We’d all feel less pressure, I’m sure!

  • Reply
    Sardis Jaque
    October 27, 2015 at 7:49 am

    I don’t have kids, but I’m pretty sure I will be happy just having one. For me pregnancy is such a miracle that I will feel very bless if I have the chance of having one at all. Oh and one dog, I definitely want one chubby french bulldog :) Xoxo http://www.withoutlipstick.com

  • Reply
    AshleyL
    October 27, 2015 at 8:01 am

    I’ve always wanted three. For some reason in my mind it’s the perfect balanced number. We got pregnant with number two very quickly after one. It was a surprise but now we’re glad. I know the first year will be rough but after that they’ll have a best friend to play with and eventually be less entertaining for me. I have a sister whose six years younger than me and I hated it. It was really tough when she was born and then we never had much in common because the age difference was so big. I do think of we have a third it will be a bigger gap than this time though maybe three years but no more than that.

  • Reply
    Elissa
    October 27, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    I had my first son very young and he is now 18. I had a career, met my husband 8 years ago, went back to college at 32 and at 37 had a baby who is 4 months old today. I really want my baby to have a sibling to grow up with. I bounced back pretty easily after my recent pregnancy and being able to do that again does figure into my consideration as well as the fact that my husband and I are very active people and hopefully 2 small kids would fit into our life as easily as 1 has. I would be fine with getting pregnant again anytime now! Everyone has a unique situation and reason(s) for what they want!

  • Reply
    Katie
    October 28, 2015 at 8:19 am

    We had Z-man… and then found out Miss T. was coming when he was 5 months old! She was definitely a surprise! :-) I didn’t feel ready, but God knew best. We’re pretty happy with our two for right now, and honestly, I can’t imagine being pregnant again any time soon. Don’t get me wrong: I absolutely ADORED carrying both our babies. But I’d like to feel like my body is my own again… without having to feed someone else. It’s been over two straight years of growing/nursing babies. :-) And it’s wonderful, but I’m ready for a break. Most people ask if we’re “done” now… and we’re honestly not sure! We are thinking that for now, we’re pretty happy with our two little ones. And if we ever feel like it’s time for another, then if it’s God’s will, we will know it’s right. For now, though, I’m definitely hoping to stick with these two! :-D

  • Reply
    MJ
    October 28, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    We have to amazing girls age 2 and 6. I would love one more, though I’m currently in graduate school and not sure how realistic it would be. I do have a question about that sweet rocking horse…where is it from?

  • Reply
    Alysa
    October 29, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    I want 3, my husband wants 2.. we’ll see! So far we just have one (and she’s about a week away from turning 1) and are enjoying that. At any rate, I want to be done having kids before I’m 35 because after you’re 35 it’s considered a geriatric pregnancy and you’re automatically considered high risk from the get-go.

  • Reply
    Lindsay
    October 29, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    I have two kiddos, a girl and a boy and they are 2.5 years apart. I feel content but my husband is open to having another. I grew up with just one younger brother and really liked that. My husband is the oldest of 3 boys and he really liked his upbringing. We have left the topic open until our son is 2 y/o (he’s 6 mo now) and then we’ll probably make the final call (as much as we can control it, right?! God had virgin get pregnant so there are no guarantees!) I just feel like I will be a better everything with just two kids.

  • Reply
    ali grace | cookies and grace
    October 29, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    This is SUCH a great topic. It’s so funny how differently everybody feels. I’m 28, married 3 years, and we don’t have any kiddos (yet!) but hopefully soon. When I was younger I used to think I wanted a bunch — like 4 or 5. But now, the older I get and the closer I get to actually being a mother that number keeps getting smaller. :) The husband says 2, I think maybe 3, but I also think it’s so hard to know until you’re there. Every kid and family is different! We shall see…

  • Reply
    Joni
    October 30, 2015 at 2:09 am

    We originally planned on having 3 but after 2 decided we couldn’t handle any more so we’re done at 2!

  • Reply
    Kaolee
    October 31, 2015 at 12:28 am

    I see Mason staring at other kids longingly at the grocery store, and I’m like, he needs a sibling! And plus, we love love love him so much, so I know we’ll love love love our next baby too. It’s hard, and it’s not always rainbows and sunshine, but boy is it worth it to hear them laugh, and walk, and just be.

  • Reply
    Stella
    October 31, 2015 at 1:49 am

    We have 5 for now and I’m 28 and we plan to have at least 3 more. We also follow natural family planning and it’s working fine for us. We love babies and every other stage, at least for now :) and nothing makes us happier when we see our children and love they have for each other and joy they bring us. I have opinion since we love children and have money we need to support them and afford the education etc. we should have as much we can. It gets easier with second, third child because you improve your multitasking skills to maximum. I manage to work from home and I’m about to finish my PhD and we try to travel as much as possible but that is easier for us because my hubby is often traveling abroad so we follow him. So it’s all about organization, multitasking and creativity ;)

  • Reply
    Crista
    April 10, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    I always knew I wanted kids but not how many. I had siblings close in age like a sister 20 months older, a twin brother and a brother 18 months younger. How my mom survived those first few years I don’t know! Haha!
    So now I have a 4 year old boy and twin girls that are 2 (20 months apart). We are done. That first year when my son wasn’t even 2 and I had 2 premie little babies…I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive! But I wouldn’t change it for the world and you know what I would go through it all again! Yes I didn’t have much of a social life bc where was I going to go in a Minnesota winter with 2 babies and a toddler? I always felt like I needed more sleep!
    But now…all 3 take naps at the same time, they all play with the same toys and enjoy pretending and playing together! I was just sick this last weekend laying on the couch and told them I was too sick to play. They entertained themselves and played together almost all weekend.
    I love that they are close in age and they will have each other and enjoy many of the same things at the same times (obviously personalities and likes will differ).

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