Thoughts By Natalie
living

expectations vs. reality: part three

This is part of a series written by my friend Libby, continued from Expectations vs. Reality: Part Two

These are what I told everyone my expectations were for my wedding: One incredible party with the people that we love from every part of our lives. But really I wanted to look like a waif in my dress, I wanted it to be perfect weather, I wanted everyone to say it was the most beautiful wedding they’d been to, I wanted Chandeliers in the trees and enough details to make it look completely us and put all of pinterest to shame. But most importantly, my greatest expectation was to get the wedding published somewhere.

I don’t think that my list of expectations going into the wedding were that unusual, I’m sure most brides want their day to be perfect. But for me, in every single moment, I could not live with the fact that what I saw before me, was not fully what I was expecting. I couldn’t reconcile my ideas of grandiose with my reality that things weren’t exactly how they were supposed to be. Instead, I didn’t like the way I looked in my dress, the weather was awful, the details weren’t finished or done right and the event probably wasn’t going to good enough to even be put on my own personal blog, let alone anywhere credible.

I finally found my Dad and we were about to walk down the aisle to see my future husband for the first time. In that moment, you would assume that the bride is excitedly anticipating what’s beyond the curtain, but the anxiety that I had already been feeling completely stole this moment from me. We had pretty explicitly asked in the program that absolutely no pictures be taken during the ceremony {this was an expectation that was oddly very important to me}, and the second I walked through the curtain and saw people with their cameras facing towards me, I said out loud, “No one read the program!” That’s how focused I was on my expectations instead of just accepting my reality, and as a result I missed seeing my future husband crying when he saw me. I can’t believe I let myself miss that.
There are 100 more instances during the ceremony and right after that I was utterly stressed out, 100 more times at least that I felt like none of the details were right and this wedding was doomed. I yelled at my Mom about absolutely nothing right before the reception {something that makes me cry even as I type this}, I yelled at Joe to hurry up and follow me to take pictures… I just yelled. A lot. And that’s not the peaceful, lovely bride that you imagined yourself being. For me, every detail wasn’t as good as it was supposed to be.

But the thing is that when I look at the pictures, it was beautiful. It was really, really beautiful. It was even more than I wanted it to be, I just wouldn’t allow myself to see that. I wish I could go back and change the way I felt, I wish it more than anything, but there’s something really important that I learned when I came back from putting on my reception dress and all of my guests were already leaving….

Stay tuned for the final segment of the series tomorrow, plus a link to Libby’s BEAUTIFUL wedding photos…


Photo by Marta Locklear

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  • Ginny
    October 22, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    I am loving this! I cannot wait for the final post.

  • NatalieMcC
    November 8, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Reading this reminds me of the moments that stick out in my mind during my wedding last year as well…the Dj blew it for me and that’s all I think about now when I speak of our wedding…he introduced us as the McCormicks not the McCorkle’s. He also moved where we had asked him setup and we couldn’t hear the music during dinner or when he announced to start the line for food…. :(

    But it was so much fun! And the pictures show nothing of the stress and all the wonderful memories!

    • Natalie Lynn Borton
      November 8, 2012 at 10:43 pm

      Oh gosh! Sounds stressful—but I’m so glad the memories are good :)